Domestic violence
Domestic violence is behaviour that is used to maintain power and control over another person. It can include all kinds of physical, sexual, psychological, financial or emotional abuse.
It can occur within intimate relationships and between ex-partners and is experienced by both men and women, regardless of age, race, disability, sexual orientation, social group or lifestyle.
Domestic violence is rarely a one-off event and is more common than most people realise. It often escalates in seriousness and frequency over time and can be exacerbated by the abused partner’s decision to leave, pregnancy, debt and the presence of children.
How do I start to make a change?
If you are in an abusive relationship there are three important steps you can take to start breaking the chain of events and changing your life:
Recognise that what is happening to you is domestic violence.
Think about your situation and your partner’s behaviour towards you.
- Do you feel valued in your relationship or are you criticised and disrespected?
- Are you free to do what you want or isolated from your friends and made to account for your movements?
- Has your partner ever hit you?
- Are you pressured into unwanted sexual activity with your partner?
Some abusive partners will offer ‘rewards’ if their demands are met or try to persuade their partners that the abuse will not happen again.
Accept that you are not to blame
Because you cannot explain your partner’s behaviour and find it hard to understand that the person you live can behave aggressively towards you, you may assume you are to blame.
No one deserves to be assaulted, abused or humiliated, least of all in what is supposed to be a caring relationship.
There is no excuse for abusive behaviour.
Get help
The most important thing you can do if you are in an abusive relationship is to tell someone. The process of asking for help may take some time as you may try to make the relationship work and find practical and emotional reasons to stay with your abuser.
Never be afraid to ask for help, even after you have left the relationship.
In an emergency always dial 999. There are many different agencies working with people who are suffering domestic violence who can give you the support and advice you need.
